Hold On
by emethereality
Summary: This story will explore different key moments in Sara and Gil's life, from when they met until they sailed into the sunset. This is Part 1- GSR of course. I don't know how to write anything else! Major thanks to Tallulah99, beta extraordinaire and one of my favorite person ever!
1. Chapter 1

**2005\. It was a Sunday.**

Sara Sidle didn't dare move.

She inhaled deeply and exhaled as quietly as she could. Trying to return her breathing to a semblance of its normal rhythm. She willed her heartbeat to slow down, trying, but failing miserably, not to let her mind venture _there_.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed. Minutes. Hours. A lifetime.

Him, holding on to her in a tight embrace, one arm wrapped around her shoulders, the other coming to rest firmly in the small of her back. Her, not sure how to react, her chin against his shoulder, her lips within dangerously close proximity of his neck and the scruff on his cheek. It took all of her willpower not to taste his skin right there and then.

No. She didn't dare move and break the spell, so she just waited. Waited for him to say something. Waited for him to not say anything and walk away perhaps.

But he was still there, so she held on to him. Moving her hands in lazy circles on his back, feeling the occasional shiver of his body under her touch, wanting very much to let her finger roam past the waistband of his pants and grab his-

She caught the laugh before it got out.

The welcome but incredible quality of the situation was conjuring up all kind of scenarios- some ridiculous, some plausible, some she felt were inevitable. In fact this very moment was reminiscent of another that took place ages ago, wasn't it?

He loosened his grip on her. She thought he was about to speak but no words came forward and he leaned into the embrace again. The fleeting presence of his hands on her ass might have been accidental but given the situation she couldn't be sure.

"Grissom?" The man would never cease to surprise her. Her smile grew against his shoulder.

"Uh..." He finally replied.

"Would you like to come in?"

"Okay."

"I figured."

They had been standing in her living room for only a brief moment and he had already repeated the same two words twice. She was halfway between amused and annoyed, fighting the grin that kept creeping back. He cleared his voice one more time and looked down at his hands- the hands that were holding hers. Sara squeezed them gently in encouragement. She was enjoying this fumbling side of him. Perhaps a little too much.

"I figured..." He tried again. "I finally figured it out."

She waited for the rest. It didn't come. "Figured what out, Grissom?"

His eyebrows shot up and he glanced around, his eyes darting back and forth, looking everywhere but at her.

And then she got it.

"Oh.."

"Is it..."

"No." She deliberately paused, letting _him_ dangle for once. "No, it's not too late." She grinned again. His own smile was merely a smirk, but it was there.

His hands suddenly let go of hers. And just like that, her stomach dropped. Her smile faded. The moment was over, whatever it was, whatever brought it on.

Except that it wasn't. Because his hands were now making their way up her body. Trailing up her arms, across her shoulders, leaving goosebumps in their wake, until they finally landed on each side of her face. His right thumb traced the outline of her lips, ever so gently.

And then she kissed him. She always knew that's how it would happen. That _she_ would kiss _him_.

On his own term, of course.

She had been waiting so long for that kiss, she poured her soul into it. And her heart. And her tongue.

It wasn't a gentle kiss. It was hard and deep and demanding. And she could tell that he was losing himself in that kiss. His hands were everywhere, so much so that she thought he must have grown two more in the last several minutes. It was intense. He was intense.

She could barely register the sounds she was hearing. Was that her, moaning? Was that him, panting? Her body was quick to react to his hands as they explored the expanse of skin above her bellybutton, the curves of her breasts. Her nipples were erect and aching and ready and she thought she would surely come on the spot if he dared to take one in his mouth.

She had dreamed about this so many times since the first kiss, but all her fantasies paled in comparison to the moment.

It wasn't the first time they had kissed, but it was the first time since they'd really gotten to know each other. The first time since they'd fallen for each other. They were acquaintances then, no matter how immediate their connection had been. She had been young and carefree, and he had been less guarded than the man she would grow to know. Their encounter had seemed temporary then, maybe the implications weren't as big for either of them.

This moment, however, was a point of no return. And if the relentlessness of Grissom's mouth and hands were telling her anything, it was that he didn't seem to mind.

Coherent thoughts disappeared the second Grissom's tongue touched the peak of her breast. He guided her to the nearby couch, his mouth moving on to worship the other breast as his hands pushed down her pants. His fingers worked their way past her panties to find her center, and her world exploded. She could hardly breathe. She knew what she needed but she was unable to put the words together.

As if reading her mind, or at the very least reading her body, Grissom pushed two fingers inside of her, thrusting them in and out, trying to find the rhythm she needed. When her head fell backwards and her words came out in a jumble of "yes" and "more", Grissom took a nipple in his mouth, suckling it between his teeth, and she came undone.


	2. Chapter 2

**1998\. It was the last day.**

Sara knocked on the door- three deliberate raps- and she waited. She looked up and down the hotel's corridor and studied the drab decor. It looked more modern and in better shape than the neighboring hotels but it wasn't luxurious by any stretch of the imagination.

"The lab's choice, not mine." He had said.

She raised her hand to knock again, when Grissom opened the door. She was greeted by the smell that she would forever label as _his-_ mild soap, musky aftershave and something else distinct that she could never quite place.

"Hi! Are you early?" Hair still wet, a towel around his neck. He seemed the tiniest bit flustered as he looked down at his watch. "Nope. Right on time. Looks like I'm the one that's late. Sorry." He motioned for her to come in, briefly touching her elbow as she walked by him.

"I took an impromptu nap." He motioned at the disturbed sheets on the bed and disappeared into the washroom. Glancing around, looking for a seat, Sara perched herself on the foot of the bed. There wasn't any chair, or much else aside from that bed and a dresser.

"You'd think your lab could have splurged a bit, considering the length of your stay," she said.

"You obviously haven't met our lab director." He came out of the washroom, hair tamed, and a twinkle in his eye.

She felt a knot form in the pit of her stomach.

"I can't believe you're leaving." The words came out more soberly that she had meant it to.

The statement lingered in the air.

Until now she hadn't really let the knowledge of his departure sink in. But as she stood there, finally seeing where her companion of the last several weeks had slept. Seeing his luggage stacked neatly against the wall, it really hit her.

They had fallen into an easy camaraderie from the moment they first met at Grissom's lecture. She had taken an immediate liking to him and it had quickly become apparent that the feeling was mutual. The flirting had been plentiful over the weeks, and more than once she had caught him staring at her in a way that would make anyone blush..

But Gil Grissom had stubbornly remained an absolute gentleman, politely declining every invitation she had thrown his way to meet off campus.

Until now.

It was his last night, and they had dinning reservations.

Grissom sat down to the left of her on the bed. Their thighs were almost touching; all concept of personal space ceased to exist when they were together.

"This might be presumptuous of me, Sara." His steady gaze held hers. " But I thought you might want this." Grissom leaned back, taking a piece of paper from the small stack of paperwork on the bed. "Phone numbers, emails addresses..."

She returned his smile and reached into her coat pocket for the folder piece of paper that contained her own information.

"Great minds think alike." She laughed and his grin widened in response.

"So…" His shoulders and eyebrows went up at the same time. " Shall we head to the restaurant?"

He moved to get off the bed, Sara tugged gently on his sleeve to keep him seated and she wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Tentatively at first, she hugged tighter when she didn't meet any resistance.

"I'll miss you, Dr. Grissom." she said softly.

After a moment, he hugged her back, bringing her head firmly against his shoulder. She felt, more than heard, him sigh into her hair.

"I'll miss you, too." He sounded wistful.

With her nose buried into the crook of his neck, she breathed in the scent of him. If nothing else was going to happen between them, she wanted to enjoy this to the fullest. Her eyes fluttered shut and she let herself be in the moment. She relished the feel of his fingers on the back of her neck, the rise and fall of his chest against hers. She pulled away to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and then she stilled. Her mouth was mere inches from his.

The man looking back at her with an intensity that matched hers, had been a stranger a few short weeks ago. Most would argue they were still barely acquaintances. Yet, as she took in his blue eyes and dimpled chin, she couldn't help thinking she was saying goodbye to her best friend.

The kiss was aimed at his cheek but her lips brushed against the corner of his mouth. It was light, but more than enough to make the knots in her stomach turn into butterflies.

Sara pulled away again, eyes wide, not quite believing what she'd done. She waited, wanting him to make the choice and take the lead, if he wanted to.

And he did.

It was a chaste press of lips at first- kisses that reminded Sara of the first ones she'd shared in the school yard. She moved her head, changing the angle of the kiss and took advantage of Grissom's intake of breath to nestle her tongue with his.

They kissed for several minutes. Giving into their mutual desire, eyes closed, bodies pressed against each other.

When the need to breathe forced her to pull away, breathless and cheeks flushed, Sara felt like she was on fire. She had never felt anything that could remotely be likened to that moment.

"Sara, I'm sorry. I can't-"

Grissom was trying to regain his composure. Cheeks reddened, voice shaky, he seemed as affected as her.

He stood up, pulling her along with him and then he relinquished her hand.

"I'm sorry. I can't...Not here, not like this." His voice was barely a whisper.

And that was the key, she thought. He very much wanted to. But he couldn't, at least not now, for reasons that were his own.

And she respected that, even if it did hurt.

"It's ok, Grissom." She flashed him a smile that didn't quite meet her eyes. "I get it."

The ringing of the hotel's phone stirred them both out of their mutual growing discomfort and Grissom jumped to answer it.

"It's the restaurant. They want to know if they should hold our reservations." He was gripping the receiver so hard his knuckles whitened. "What should I tell them?"

"Absolutely. I'm starving."

The cheerfulness in her voice sounded almost natural, but she could tell by the expression on his face that he wasn't fooled.

By the time they reached the restaurant, Sara had already revisited their kiss in her mind- committing it to memory before the details eluded her. She hoped with all her might that there would be more down the road.

She couldn't have known then, that she would have nothing more than that sole kiss to fuel her longings for years to come.


	3. Chapter 3

**2015\. It was a new beginning.**

Sara locked eyes with the driver in the rear view mirror. Plastering a neutral look on her face, she looked away. She wasn't in the mood for small talk.

 _Alas_

"Do you own a boat?" he asked

"Um, no...Well, my husband does." It came out naturally.

Divorce papers had never been signed after all. Legally he was still her husband.

The cab driver nodded politely. "Where are you headed?"

"Home." That too, came out naturally.

Home. Not a house or specific location. Wherever she and Grissom were together, that was home. She hadn't been home in a while and her whole being was longing for it.

"Traveling light..." The driver continued.

She chuckled at that. The baggage she was carrying- their baggage- might not have taken a lot of room but it certainly was heavy. She wasn't looking forward to unloading it.

"I have everything I need." She answered simply.

She put on her sunglasses in hopes of keeping the flow of questions at bay. It seemed to work. The cab driver didn't speak again until they had arrived at their destination.

"We're here."

She paid her fare, and stepped out into the sun.

All of her senses came alive at once. The salty scent of the ocean, and the crashing of its wave against the docks. The humidity in the air. The cries of birds and chatter of people. Everything felt foreign, but yet comforting. A distant memory of a former life.

The warmth of the day had given way to a light breeze but the sunshine lingered still. She took her sunglasses off, welcoming the light into her life.

She went looking for him without hesitation. He should still be there. He'd mentioned his plans in passing, and she'd written down the details…just in case.

It had stunned her, how easy this decision had been. Once she realized that Grissom's feelings mirrored her own, that he loved and missed her, it really didn't feel like a choice at all. Things had gotten complicated at some point. Distance and independent individuals seemingly a recipe for miscommunication, but it truly was simple. Complete happiness only existed when they were together.

She turned a corner, and walked down the ramp to the dock. Looking for the Ishmael and her owner.

There he was; Gil Grissom. Her mentor, her best friend, her husband- her everything.

Sara wanted to surprise him the way he'd surprised her when he came to find her in the jungle. The look of shock on his face when he saw her, told her she had succeeded. There was disbelief in his eyes, she must have looked like a mirage in the late afternoon sun.

She felt like her heart might burst with happiness at the sight of him. Overwhelmed with excitement and anticipation, she couldn't keep from smiling. Grissom's face had always been an open book of emotions and as she held his gaze, she knew she was doing the right thing by leaving Vegas.

The ball was in his court now. Whatever game they had been playing, she had made her move and had to know that he was up to taking this leap of faith. Years ago, she had told him that she believed they could make it through anything and still did. Grissom had never expressed such words to her. When he extended his arm and welcomed her aboard, she took that as his answer. They were in this together.

Her body trembled at the way his arms felt around her. The way her arms felt around him. And as she struggled to keep the tears at bay, she brought him into a stronger embrace. And held on for dear life. He hugged her tight, hands moving and pressing as they tried to get closer and closer. It was inevitable that they would end up here. She had always felt that the moment they had laid eyes on each other over a decade and a half ago, their fate had been sealed. There was no point in dwelling on time wasted. She had learned to live in the moment. And this moment was a new beginning.

He broke the silence with an echo of a lifetime ago. "Sara, I have so many unanswered whys."

"I had to come home." She whispered in his ear.

It was the only 'why' that mattered.

"Are you here to stay?" There was an unmistakable tremor to his voice.

His eyes were filled with unshed tears. Sara felt her throat, her heart and her soul constrict with emotion. She couldn't speak so she told him all that he needed to know in a kiss.

Their lips and tongues were getting reacquainted for the first time in nearly 3 years and it brought on a wave of familiar feelings and longings.

It wasn't a tentative and explorative kiss reminiscent of their early days, nor was it a greedy and passionate display like the night he had stood at her door- ready to bring their relationship to the next level. This was a comfortable kiss despite the years spent apart. It was made of relief, apologies and promises.

When the kiss ended, they resumed the embrace, arms pressed tightly around each other. Grissom's lips came to rest in Sara's hair. She couldn't remember a time where she had felt more at peace.

He peppered kisses in her hair. And then he pressed his lips at her temple. And then below her ear. Each kiss brought on shivers that she felt all the way down to her toes.

His voice was low. " I would never have asked you to leave everything for me."

"I know you wouldn't have, which is why I did it. I left a job for everything that truly matters to me, and that mainly happens to be you."

She was rewarded with the boyish grin that still made her weak in the knees. Her thumb came to rest in the dimple of his chin, like it had many times before.

Grissom brought the digit to his mouth, kissing it gently before bringing her face closer to reclaim her mouth.

"Now what?" He asked when he finally relinquished her swollen lips.

She knew what he was asking. Serious conversations would have to happen, of course. Probably sooner than later. Her life had been put on hold. Her things were being stored and were ready to be shipped to wherever home might be this time. The apartment in Vegas was still hers until she knew for sure that she wouldn't go back. They were so many things to figure out, but there was time. In fact, time was subjective, she was finding out.

"How about a boat ride, Captain Grissom?"

A/N: I LOVED the final scene and I think TPTB did good but I did feel like it was missing a little somethin' somethin' and it's how this whole fic started. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading and for the kind reviews. Reviews are what keep me going since I sadly can't make a living writing our favorite geeks. Originally my plan for this story ended here, but I now want to explore _what happens next._ So there will be a 4th part, be on the lookout. And last for not least, thanks again to Tallulah99 for her excellent beta skills. GSR fanfiction brought us together a decade ago and she's become one of my best friend. Oh, the mighty powers of GSR. ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**2015- It was about time.**

"Sara…"

The word was barely a murmur on the lips of her lover, but to Sara it meant everything. It warmed her soul, tugged at her heart and did unexplainable things to her lady bits.

Grissom's eyes were shut, his cheeks flushed and he looked absolutely gorgeous. A part of her had feared she would never see this side of him again. She blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall.

She shifted on his lap, trying to bring their bodies closer.

When he opened his eyes, she held his gaze, seeing so much of her own passion reflected back at her.

She intertwined her fingers behind his neck and brought his lips to hers in a passionate kiss. His tongue sought entrance and she was more than happy to oblige, bringing her own tongue to duel with his.

It had been days since she surprised him at the dock. Days since they'd reconnected and tried to rekindle their relationship. Days since they'd begun to fight the urge to tear each other's clothes off.

It had been an unspoken agreement that they would need to talk things out first. The physical intimacy had always been the easy part. Even after years together, their sex life had always been explosive and satisfying.

It was the sharing of emotions that had been their downfall. And so this time, they had talked and talked. They had cried and laughed. Every day had been a step towards putting the past behind, a step towards opening themselves to a future together.

Days had been spent in each other's company, sometimes at sea, sometimes exploring the city. Sara had returned to her hotel room every night after dinner. But tonight Grissom had coaxed her into his boat's sleeping quarter with the lame pretext of needing her opinion on the decor. The butterflies in her stomach had fluttered in anticipation.

They were barely at the bottom of the stairs, when he'd taken her into his arms and pressed his lips forcefully against hers. One hand had sneaked under her shirt to cup her breast and she'd thought _, it's about time._

In a few minutes, their clothes were in a heap on the floor. Before she could utter a word, he was kneeling on the bed, bringing her along with him.

That is how she had ended up on Grissom's lap, kissing him. Trying to show him with lips and tongue how much she had missed him, how much she wanted him, how much she needed him.

When his lips relinquished hers, he held on firmly to her bottom, lifting her slightly. She could feel the length of him resting at her core. His hand reached down and she heard him groan when he realized how wet she was.

It's only then that she found her voice. "Gil, I want you in me. Now."

Their reunion had been a week long foreplay. Sara was more than ready.

She raised herself, and with her lover's help, lowered herself onto him, inch by delicious inch. She took a deep breath and released it slowly in a low moan.

She was emotionally and physically overwhelmed. The feeling wasn't new but it had been so long that in many ways, it felt like the first time.

She held still for a moment as she adjusted to the sheer size of him.

Letting her take the lead, Grissom didn't move. He sprinkled kisses from her earlobe to her collarbone while his hands gently massaged her bottom.

Using his shoulders as leverage, Sara raised herself up and then slowly back down.

Grissom had always been masterful at the art of pleasuring her, so she wasn't surprised when he lifted himself up just at the right moment, when he moved at just the needed speed.

They moved in a dance they had danced many times before, but everything was different this time. It felt more intense than before. It was more meaningful than before. It was the first dance of the rest of their lives.

They moved in unison. Hips thrusting. Backs arching. Bodies sweating. Breath ragged.

Sara wasn't surprised to feel the early tightening in her groin. She had needed and wanted _this_ for so long.

"Gil. I'm-" The rest of her sentence got lost in a cry as the force of her orgasm hit her. She slumped forward, holding on to her husband's shoulders. Lips latched onto his neck, her body shook as she felt waves after waves of pleasure.

Within moments, Grissom's body stilled and she felt herself being pressed tighter against him. His uneven breathing turned into loud grunts as he finally gave in to his release. They stayed still for a long moment. Happy and spent, their heavy breathing was the only sound in the cabin.

Sara's husky voice eventually broke the comfortable silence. "We still got it."

Grissom's laughter joined hers and then he tried unsuccessfully to kiss the grin off her face.

 **2016- It was the week before Summer.**

Gil looked at her, desperation clear on his face.

"Sara, I want to do this. I _really_ do, but I don't know if I can."

She bit her lip and shook her head slowly. Her poor husband looked so disappointed with himself, she had to smile.

Gil Grissom, CSI extraordinaire, had seen it all. Decomposing bodies that had long lost any recognizable signs of human shape. Musty rooms in dingy hotels saturated with suspicious bodily fluids. Scenes so bloody and gruesome that the smell of copper lingered in your nostril for days, but he couldn't do _this_ without gagging _._

"It's ok, Gil. You'll work your way there-" she said softly. "Can you at least bring her to me, I can barely keep my eyes open."

She didn't think it was possible to be this tired. She had often gone forty-eight hours without sleep back in her Vegas days, but this was a new level of exhaustion. Perhaps her age had something to do with it, she was pushing forty-five after all. Or perhaps it just came with the job.

At least the job came with a reward.

Gil placed their newborn daughter in her arms. The-late-in-life gift that had left them both shocked and speechless for days, weeks. Months, if they were being honest.

She kissed the baby's head. Rosalind Grissom was only days old but she had already taken over their world.

Sara addressed the tiny little girl as she placed her in front of her on the bed. "Your daddy is a wuss. He can spend a day at the body farm but he can't change a diaper."

"Maybe next time." Grissom said under his breath.

Joining them on the bed, he sat up against the headboard and gladly took the baby from his wife once she was changed.

Sara got up to discard the offensive diaper in the diaper pail that stood in the ensuite bathroom. She caught her reflection in the mirror and quickly looked away, she looked terrible. The shirt she was wearing had spit up stains and a long wet streak where her breast had leaked milk. Her hair was a matted knot on her head and the dark circles under her eyes looked like they had been tattooed there. It would have been easy to let the tears flow freely, but she was too tired to even cry. She removed her shirt and let it fall to the floor. She grabbed her robe off the hook and slipped it on before stepping back to the bedroom.

Her breath caught at the sight of her family.

Sure the pregnancy- and birth- had been a roller coaster of emotions, but this made it more than worth it.

Rosie was sleeping in the crook of her father's arm. He was rocking her gently, a look of complete adoration on his face and the beginning of a lullaby on his lips.

His voice was hushed. "Sara, go get some sleep. I've got this." He pulled his eyes away from the baby just long enough to wink at her, and she fell in love with him just that little bit more.

Smiling her gratitude, she escaped to the guest room. Her head had barely hit the pillow when she fell in a slumber.

She slept soundly...Until Grissom woke her up for the next diaper change.

A/N: There you go! Story completed and you've got smut and a geekbaby! Hopefully everybody is happy (looking at you Tracy). I had a lot of fun writing this. I believe the muse is still kicking around so on to the next story! Let me know what you think. Reviews are everything. Special shout out to my husband who did willingly change diapers from day 1. ;)


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